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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2017 18:47:18 GMT
[30 May]
So it seems that I have a bit of an issue as of late. I am far to attracted to way to many people. Diary of mine, I am in a conundrum.
First there is Ambrose, he gave me that bracelet and I can see him and let me tell you, he is beautiful. Magnificent in that hidden body of his. I wonder if he could see how he looks from the eyes of others? Soft and sweet yet shy and deep. It is hard to explain how Ambrose effects me. I enjoy the moments with him. He opened himself up to me, trusted me with this secret of his. I care for the man and he cares for me. I wonder where time will take us? Could we be more? I am sure he has more secrets I do not know, like the scars on his body. The line his human form. I have traced them with my fingers in the darkness of night laying with him and they seem haunting at times. He has lost so much in his life and it is painful I assume for him to think about the past, the lost love of his, family, his tree. I wonder why he is so attached to trees? Of course he ventures from the one he calls home, The Whomping Willow but he would miss it, at least I would presume so if he was gone for long periods. Could he make another tree his home? Would he leave the tress behind? I do not know and yet I wonder about such things. I wouldn't want to pull him from what he is and what he knows, how could we make such a life work if we did manage to take another step in our relationship? Teagan seems to work it out well with Dristan. I saw the feathers? I think that is what they were after the concert when I had the time to look at the woman. She must be similar to that of Ambrose, yet different.
Then there is the fact of the concert itself. What the hell had happened? First the lead singer talks to me from behind and that leaves me wondering what he is? How can he cast his voice in such a way? Is he magical? Dristan and Teagan seem to think he is of Mary's kind, vampire. Can vampire's do that with their voices? It is possible I presume, they could come in many different forms like that of magical world to begin with. So much happened that night, feelings I still can't seem to wrap my head around. Of course that was only three days ago. So maybe I need more time to think about that. He caused my lust to sky rocket and I thought I kept a pretty good handle on that part of me. I don't know.
Now we face the fact that for some reason or another I am attracted to Mary as well. Maybe it is the shadows that she can control? Maybe the way she had shown off? Or the fact we seemed like kindred souls from two past times. We both have had dances in the scene, she of course moved on long ago and it is funny isn't it. Time never changes, there is always a need for that line of work. I enjoyed it, that time I spent there. It was good to step back and put the place in another's hands though. I needed to get away from there less I become a lustful sinful beast trapped forever in the hold of that world.
Now there is a business deal going down for Mary's club and this partner of hers. I wonder what will occur that night? I have to make sure that I don't arrive with the hired entertainment. I stepped aside fro a reason and wouldn't that look bad on my resume for the parents of the students I now have the pleasure of teaching? I have enjoy the last few weeks of teaching, I was surprised at how well I was able to help the students. I just hope that I can help students in the long run.
The last week of school had been interesting to say the least, helping the Head Mistress and then moving along and helping a student with his summer issues.
But alas I am trailing off for the reason's why I began to write out my thoughts. It has been a long time since I kept a journal or log of sorts of what was going on. Maybe it is time I do so again we shall see if I can keep up with writing my thoughts out or not.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 1:43:07 GMT
[June 5th]
So here I am again confused once more. My emotions have been in turmoil since last night. I went to the club opening and I rather enjoyed the evening. I experienced my first 'Kiss' from two dark friends and was promised more later. The night wore on and the one man, I met at the concert, oh, yeah! I should mention he was there and let me tell you, those feelings from that night, which I thought were gone only came back to the surface once more. All night he was my date, thanks to another friend of mine. I was hoping that these pages would be filled with a wonderful new experience but alas that is not the case.
I enjoyed myself don't get me wrong. We had a grand time dancing and teasing and I even taunted one of his band mates who seemed highly jealous. It was quite enjoyable if I must say so myself.
But my problem now is these lustful rages inside of me are not calming down. The teasing bites and the voice of that man with no end result only seem to have strung me along into a fit of sorts. None of my usual methods seem to be helping me and I am beyond a mess today.
I have done nothing this day but dance in the living room. Dancing helps clear my mind yet it only seemed to make the situation worse. I fear that if this needs are not satisfied I will likely do something I regret. Though I am feeling that way already. I had a good cry this morning over the situation. I felt worse this morning then I did when I left the concert.
I fear this time will take longer to over come what ever magic that man did to me. I wish I could of learned more, I wish I could of experienced more. But alas those that walk in the shadows are only able to do so at night. He is most likely back in New York now as the sun has set nearly an hour ago.
I guess I shall work on dinner plans with Ambrose tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, though I fear my other issues will be in the way. I hope that I can push them aside for a nice quiet evening with him. Mary will be coming by as well, once the sun is set of course.
I hope that helps to lift this sore mood I am, for it I can not pull myself out of this, I fear that Ambrose will take the issue to heart and he is not the reason I am in this mood.
I put myself there, expected more and got less. I wonder if I should tell him about the night in New York or last night? I wonder if I should speak to anyone on these matters or keep them to myself? I think for now, I shall just bury them as best as I can. I hope tomorrow goes well but alas only time will tell.
Until next time.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2017 2:52:55 GMT
[June 7th]
Dinner turned out great. Dessert was even better. Mary was a great guest. She loved her gift. At least I presume she did. She seemed touched by it. Maybe the gift should of come before she bit either Ambrose or I because she was a mess for a moment or two there. I am not sure how she seemed to gather herself back up. She is a strong woman and I admire her strength. She said that she felt her heart, that Ambrose was life itself to her. It was a sight to see never the less it was dangerous as well. She seemed to teeter on edge for awhile there but alas she left us with a wonderful parting gift.
I am grateful for the bookshop I did find her gift in. I due believe they are also vampires in that shop as well. At least I can be sure that the woman behind the counter was. She mentioned as much in not so many words. I offered her tea on a night of her choice at some point. I do enjoy tea and it is good to have when conversing with others. I wonder what her story is? How long has she been this way? Does she know Mary? Are her and Mary part of the same home? Mary has never mentioned her but the woman did seem to know who I was referring to as well. All interesting things to note. I wonder if the gentleman in there is also vampire? He spoke only once and I think it was french if I am not mistaken. It has been so long since I had to learn that language that I am rough around the edges. I wonder what their relationship is? And the two younger people that were in there? Who were they? More vampires? They all seemed young. Questions and more questions I am giving myself. I wonder if they are as forth coming as Mary is. Not that Mary has given me many answers, but she has given me most. To bad there isn't a book on them. I would love to read more about their kind.
Speaking of their kind, I was amazed at how Ambrose reacted to the bite Mary gave him. Her reaction as well. It was a sight to see. I don't think I would ever trust another to bite him. Not after her reaction. I am glad it was her, we both seem to trust her and she proved herself even last night at how well she can control herself. I am sure it wasn't easy for her though. It seemed much more intense for him though. I wonder if someone could become addicted to such a thing? I would they could, seeing as people can become addicted to all sorts of other pleasures in life. That is one pleasure that I could see myself getting attached to if I am not careful.
Ambrose was overwhelmed with the gift I gave him. I think I picked the perfect one. He was in tears and it was sweet. I am glad I read him properly in putting that together. I just hope that the twigs don't loose what bit they seemed to hold for him. I hope that the gift is something he treasures even if he and I don't come out in the end side by side. I wonder if I will have to give this bracelet back? I wonder how that will effect me? I took it off today to take a shower and my head was spinning. Everything lost color. The world seemed only to be in black and white, I quickly put it back on and looked around and though I felt sick to my stomach for a few moments. I tested it again and only realized that the color didn't all fade away, only that it faded drastically. I am not sure why I felt like the world was spinning. Maybe my body just had to readjust to the sights as they once were? She would have to ask about that also later at some point.
Went to see my business today. One of my girl's never checked in the following morning. We had to send out a search to her home and her boyfriends place. Alas she was not at either place. She had no appointments either. I wonder if something happened to her on her way home from the club. I think I will have to get in contact with someone there and find out if she left after clearing her head. She was still fairly new and though she had been fed from a bite to much, she seemed coherent enough to make it home after I checked on her. I think I will have to ask around other places of similar taste as well. Maybe even Mary might be able to put word out. I hate to see a girl go missing on my watch. It isn't the way I allow my place to run. I might have to make more appearances there to see what sort of clientele are coming and going as of a late.
My other predicament from last night seemed to have been sated at least during last night and this morning but during the day it came back. I wonder if there is anyway to rid myself of this song he is singing inside my mind?? It didn't help as much as I had hoped but it did take the edge off, Mary coming to visit. Oh it helped and it made my head spin and rush and oh the sensation of it was just breath taking. I am fairing better than the week after the concert, That was a mess of a week. At least tonight as I write I am not as much as a mess as I was but I am not myself either. I think I may have to go visit him.
We have been texting back and forth this evening. It is was quite a conversation. He did invite me and I know we have the time. I wonder if it would help? I need something to get my mind working normal again. To fix these emotions inside of my head confusing me. His voice is still there, making sounds. I think I shall go do that. Maybe just talking with him would help? I don't know but something has to give.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2017 5:01:23 GMT
[June 11th]
Well last week had been an interesting one to say the least. After my last post, I popped over to New York and went to visit David. It turned out rather pleasant for the most part. He wasn't able to stop the voice in my head but he did feed from me a few times to many. It was quite lovely if I might say so myself. I am not sure what it is about their bites but it is surely intoxicating. I danced for him and he sang for me. That in itself was an a feat as I submitted to him. I never thought the day would come that I would submit to anyone. Of course the next morning that was gone. Darren is a character as well. He seems sweet with that Southern American Country accent of his. Then of course I was meant to come home the morning of the 9th and I decided to change my plans at the last minute. I went and bought a new dress, which I need to work out my budget again. I did spend a little to much on it. It would of been worth it had the plans not changed.
Some fools thought it was a good idea to break into the home of David and his band mates. Needless to say it didn't turn out bad at least not until after everything was said and done. I had reservations planned and I was hoping to surprise the boys. This man seemed off somehow by the way. There were three of them, one happened to be a werewolf. I of course sneaked around and put a protection spell over the room everyone had gathered in. At least there wasn't any blood shed in there. Then of course David seemed to be off for some reason. I think it has to do with the fact he is an old soul and comes from a different time than I do. Of course he did say as much. I believe some sort of business deal was made but that man, Arthur, seems to be bad company. We shall see. I do hope that David doesn't get dragged into anything that could be dangerous. Rumor has it the Magical force over there is a lot more restrictive than it is here. I am not even sure if they have a treaty with David's kind like we do here in the UK.
After cancelling my reservations, David decided that it was better to serve the intruders dinner than kick them out after the meeting. Beef, ugh. I about lost it but I kept my cool and left the room. I cannot push my ways on others, everyone should respect everyone else's choices and I did take the higher road and leave the room. David brought me dinner after the fact, which was sweet. That damn voice was in my head the whole time. It sent my emotions into overdrive. Oh! While I was there, I did learn a few things about potions and magic to help keep my healing rate up just in case he chooses to feed from me like he did that first night. Hopefully I won't pass out again. After dinner one of the band mates seemed to disappear and everyone started to look for him. I followed David and we went outside. Dane was there and he was gone. Torn to shreds is the best way to describe it. David seemed to have lost his way for a moment as i cleaned it all up for him. Afterwards he sent me on my way. I didn't come home, I flew around New York the entire night before finally submitting to the fact that they needed space. Besides I had plans.
Those plans should have turned out much better but they did not. It is my fault really. I should not have hidden the fact from Ambrose that David was in my head still. I feel as though I may have broken that relationship permanently. I am not sure if I should reach out to him or not at this point. He called me a liar and I guess in some way I was. Ambrose and I had no title over what we were developing between us, yet David straight up asked to court me. I never answered him. I feel as though I have wronged Ambrose in some way. Ambrose was such a sweetheart, he did manage to get that damned voice out of my head and though it was gone I couldn't sleep last night. My heart is hurting. I feel torn at the moment. Ambrose brought me into his world, allowed me to see the real him. I wanted to see more, learn more but I am drawn to David for a reason I cannot explain. I missed his voice last night. I think the silence was to much.
I should probably talk to Ambrose. Tell him about what is going on. Maybe I can still fix the relationship to a point that we can at least be friends. He didn't leave my home last night on a great note by any means. I kicked him out. It wasn't his fault that I haven't been straight forward with him. It is solely mine and mine alone. I shouldn't have kept the fact from him that I had gone to see another man. I get that we weren't an item but I know it still hurt him. I do not like to hurt others. I also acted a fool at David's in front of those 'guests' of his, not that they were invited. But alas my head was not on right.
I know which path I want to take but I don't know if it will work out. There is such distance when an ocean separates you. I have obligations here as he has over there. I need to talk to Ambrose.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 1:29:14 GMT
[June 18]
Tea was good at the White Wyvern but alas I didn't stick to it. I moved on to wine shortly after Rose and Nikolaus arrived. We discussed many things and it was enlightening to find another with such an intellectual mind. I do believe that I have not had such a delightful conversation so in depth since I last spoke with Professor McGriffin. It was a delight to say the least.
We spoke mostly about magic which was nice. Covered a few theories regarding transfigurations and how it would effect a vampire. The theories in themselves are interesting. I wonder if I will find time to actually test it out. Rose knows quite a bite about magic herself, coming from a witches background it isn't surprising.
She seems to want to test a few things out herself, I wonder if it would be presumptions of me to request to take part in figuring things out with her? It would of course be wonderful to have a partner with like minded thoughts to work with. Though I am sure she is coming from a different stand point than I. Mine is purely curiosity but like I said, if someone found out and used it against their kind she would be devastated. No only that, it could bring harm to herself and she wasn't looking to be put on anyone's list for anything.
I think it is wonderful to know that there are so many different kinds of Kindred out there. I wonder how ranged their gifts could get? Are they as diverse as the witches and wizards of our world? I would presume they are. I have met quite a few of them and they all seem to have something different about them. I wonder if they catalog their gifts for the others? I am sure someone has though it may only be knowledge handed down. From my understanding they don't seem to like any written things. Which again, who could blame them? Something written could be exploited and since they don't have the same type of magic as we do, hiding it would be much harder.
I do owe Rose a sight of my falcon though, I am saddened that she didn't get to catch a glimpse of her majestic form. I must do that if I run into her again. It would be a treat for her. I think it would brighten her night. I wonder if I will take David to their bookshop? I still know so little about them all.
We shall see what the future holds.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 4:06:03 GMT
[June 25]
What a weekend it has been. I flew on a muggle plane for the first time in my life. I am not sure I ever want to do that again. I think I much rather take the floo network or port keys. They seem so much easier. Of course with anything there are always dangers but being in a metal box. I just certainly did not enjoy it at all. At least with my own wings I can determine the way to use them with much better resistance than a plane with wings that hardly move.
I was on this plane to bring David to London. He had to undergo some surgery that a friend of his was completing. Erskine was an interesting meet as well. After we landed, I brought David here with so much creativity to my place. Then we headed over to Mary's and well, I was looking forward to it. By the end though, I was glad to be out of there. I don't think I can ever trust Exo, their Bishop. He hurt my love. Hurt him enough that I just don't know if my trust will ever be restored. Mary held me tightly, she kept me at bay as he under went some sort of pain. Exo managed with just a touch! A touch of his hand! When it was said and done, I was hurt, so hurt. Mary seemed to know what was going to happen and it hurt that a friend would allow something like that to someone that they now call brother? Come to find out it was a test! A damned test to see if he was worthy of being Sabbot.
I just, I was a mess. I held to him tightly that entire night. I met Thulile there as well. She saw the body that was drained earlier in the evening festivities. That didn't seem to roll over well for her either. She has such a big heart. We came back to my place when the sun rose. We talked about all that transpired. I am not sure Thulile will ever trust Mary again. My trust for the moment has held. I have to trust in her. She is not only a co-worker but she is also David's sister, pack mate and now she will also be a trainer. David has agreed to allow her train me so that my behavior is proper. I have to admit, that I wasn't quite into agreeing to it but I wouldn't want to cause David more issues. I wonder how that will go? Time will tell. I am not reaching out to her right now to set that up I need to calm down a bit.
Thulile and Teagan will be coming by this evening for dinner. I so look forward to that. I am making curry by hand. My grandmother's recipe. I hope they enjoy it. I must go and finish getting ready for that. Write soon.
P.S.
I think I might actually be in love.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 5:19:05 GMT
[July 1st]
David came home tonight! I am so excited! He came back after being gone for the entire week! He came home! His eyes! Oh his eyes are so beautiful! If only I could show them in here. They are stunning. He may need contacts to hide them from the muggles, which is something we will need to discuss as they are just simply unnatural but oh they are breathtaking.
He came home in the middle of a training session. I know I mentioned I would have to go through them with Mary, I held my end of it up. We trained twice this week. I was aware the first time around that she was shifting around in my mind, it felt odd. Extremely odd to have someone in my head space. I think it worked though. She told me of these amazing stories with someone, I think it was someone she loved deeply. Though sometimes it is hard to tell.
The session was a bit harder to deal with then the first, because David had come home, but then she brought up Exo and I only got angry. I do hope I quell this anger inside of me. It won't bode well if it keeps festering.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 19:20:54 GMT
[July 9th]
Here I am again. It has been a busy two weeks. Where do I even begin? I am not even sure at this point. I was a foolish child to some yet a protector in my thoughts, either way I caused quite a scene at the Kestral estate.
I do not like this man Exo, David's bishop one bit. He is just pure evil in my eyes. I am sure there are worse out there but in my world that is all I see with him. I thought I could get over my anger of what he did to David. I just couldn't. Here comes the foolish part, are you ready? I made him a promise, in his home, when no one was around. David was out shopping, I am not sure were Mary was nor did I care. I had my wand in his face and oh boy did I not see how foolish of a move it was.
I just couldn't handle the fact that a single touch could hurt him, all to test him in front of me! What is the point!? Why?! I cry as I write this because I could never do that to him again. I could never put David in the way of harm, yet my actions that night did just that. I degrees I am still upset over the fact that I caused him such pain that night. Exo and I had several words before Mary showed. I was so disrespectful to my college. I just couldn't see her that way in that moment. My love for the man blinded me, not that I cared what happened to me mind you. I only cared that David wasn't going to be hurt again like that.
Needless to say Exo somehow with a touch of his finger knocked me out and I awoke chained to an angel in the garden with David and Mary both there as well. I accepted the fact that I was going to die. Mary did something to me, put me in this black box of some sort. The air was thin, so very thin, I was sure I would die, then when I finally gasped fresh air, David was there. I was filled with joy that I got to see him again. Of course it was short lived. The song he enchanted me with, tore my heart out. I still cannot forget the words he sang. I try so hard to but I cannot. Those words are etched into my mind. I think I would of rather have died in that box that night than listen to him sing that song to me. It has been nearly a week and I am still in tears over it when I think about it. I can never allow myself to hurt him again. That song, I saw how it tore at him, I could feel it. He was so different that night but I didn't care. I love him.
Once the song was over, I think I lost all my fight. All of my back bone fell away as Exo came over and took me down and put me at David's feet. The gall on those people! They wanted me to apologize for my threat! How dare they! I don't make threats lightly! Besides, it was a promise, I still hold deep inside. Obviously one I can't talk about around this cult like group of vampires. I didn't apologize of course. My anger came back, I wanted to spit on him. I truly think he is worth less then the maggots on their cold dead bodies before they rose from their first death. Of course I did apologize, I had no choice in that matter. David forced a blood bond on me. A third stage one.
I do not understand the workings of it all. I just know that for some reason it made me obey him in every way. I don't think it mattered, I would have obeyed him either way. I loved the man before that and I love him even more now.
He proposed to me!! I said yes! I am not sure if I am going to tell my parents. I chose to change schools as well. I am going to be leaving London by August to pick up Transfigurations at Illvermorny. I think the hardest part of that is I will still be away from David for periods of time. I cannot just up and leave the school. It isn't becoming of a Professor. I do hope it works out. I so love teaching. I think I love David more. I would give it up for him. I would give up anything for him. It seems odd to fall so quickly, I can't explain it well enough, I just did. I fell hard.
I wonder what will happen once I leave? Will I miss home? London has been my home for so long. I wonder when he will be back. I miss him.
I should get him a gift, one from my culture, one that shows a wedding of sorts. I am not sure we could have a wedding. 3 days in the sun wouldn't do well for David's complexion.
I wonder if I should mention to Rose that I am leaving? I do owe her a boon of some sort that has yet to be called on. Not to mention from that ordeal at the Kestral estate. David and I both owe six months of boons to Exo. You cannot see it but I am growling as I hold this damned vial of blood. I am not his damned puppet to do with as he pleases. I hope he calls me while I am at school. Then I can tell him off from across the ocean that I won't obey him. That I am to far away for him to come gather me.
I love you David. I miss you. When are you coming back from your night out? I don't like that you have to leave to go feed. I have potions to restore myself. You can feed from me. So much to do in so little time.
Speak of the man, I shall continue this later, David has brought a guest. I sure do hope it isn't some woman to share our beds, I am sure to have a fit over that one.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2017 17:20:24 GMT
[July 13]
Today was an interesting day. Less so of the night. I went and saw Ambrose today. I wanted to say goodbye and see if he would fix the bracelet I had ruined. He did. It was emotional, yet not. I felt guilty for the way things ended between us, felt bad for breaking the bracelets magic. I wondered why I felt torn at first though. Going there, my thoughts were off. I felt as though David was the dark and Ambrose was the light. I don't know why I compared it that way. Even as I spoke to Ambrose, I repeated my thoughts out loud to him.
I shouldn't have made those assumptions. David is my light, my heart, my future and my forever. I know I have struggled with that thought for the last week or so. Did I truly love him? Was it real? I know now that it is real, that I wasn't being fooled. I know that I was falling for him before I tasted his blood. I felt the changes, I know that they effect me in ways not quite fully understood. I am sure that most vampires know of the bond, I wonder if they bond with those they have echos for or if they bond fr other reasons?
Either way it matters not, I love him, I love him with everything I have. I honestly think I was in love with him before that night of stupidity. I was just to afraid to admit it. It is probably why I went there to begin with if I think about it. Why would I want to protect him if I didn't love him? I wouldn't have done that if I didn't have such strong emotions for him in the first place. I think this bond we have, the blood I drank from him, gave me more ability to access that emotion, to allow me no doubt, to push away my fear of not being loved back. If he hadn't loved me he wouldn't have forced the bond so quickly. He did it because he wanted to save me. That is my thought.
I wonder where he is tonight? What is he doing? I miss him. I missed him even more when I was at the school. I wonder how I will handle it when school starts back up. Is it wrong that I want to take a flight, look for him? I find that I also have become a jealous woman. I don't like to share him. That became obvious with the little teenage that was here the other night. She seemed way to into David. HE IS MINE! I degrees, he is a famous singer after all. I need come to understand that he will always have women flocking around him. Makes me want to marry him even faster. Put a ring on his finger, let the world know HE IS MINE! Sure women would still stalk after him, but I have magic, I have the ability to make them forget certain things.
I will keep him safe from those that would exploit him or harm him. I don't want anyone to take my David, my Siren, my Love from me. I won't let them. Even if that means I have to take the spotlight with him, I will, just so they all know, HE IS MINE! Mine alone! Where is he? Why isn't he back yet? He is probably feeding. He hasn't fed from me in days, I think he is scared to feed from me after the last time. He almost took my life, I wasn't worried or scared. He could of taken it, he could of embraced me. I would do anything for my Siren. I love him more then anything, more then my passion for teaching I would dare to say.
I wonder if we will have any romance while we are in France. Maybe we can visit Paris as well as St. Malo. That would be nice. It is the city of love after all. Maybe we could marry behind the scenes. No one has to know right away. Keep it quiet. I of course would keep my last name for teaching purposes, but everywhere else, anywhere else. My name would be his.
I think maybe he is out feeding, that is the only reason he must be out so long. I wonder if I should go search for him. He did say he wanted a night alone, but he didn't say I couldn't stalk him. Should I? I don't know. I miss him. I can't seem to think straight unless he is near. I think maybe I will take a bubble bath instead. Because if I don't keep busy I am sure to find someway to talk myself into going out and searching for him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 15:04:23 GMT
[July 25th]
Where do I even begin? I apologize now for the tears that may smear the ink from my quill, but this entry isn't going to be a pleasant one. There are some things that would make a woman squeal with excitement and be swooned over that a life dream has finally been fulfilled but it is over shadow by something much darker.
I guess I should start with the happiest news a woman of my age could share. I eloped with David! Can you believe it!?! We eloped to France, he had it all planned out, it was amazing and beautiful and I couldn't have been happier if I tried. We are husband and wife. Everything was perfect! Though of course my parents weren't there, which is probably a blessing as, what girl want's to tell their pure blood magical parents that she is marrying a vampire? That there are no grand kids in their future, that she will follow him one day into the un-death of life, that their bloodline stops with her? That she is forsaking her beliefs to be with the man she loves? No girl..that is who. Not to mention a three day long wedding with a vampire who can't walk in daylight makes it much more difficult to have a traditional Hindu wedding that my mother has planned since my birth. Needless to say, I have yet to tell them. If they don't hear from me soon, I am sure they will start searching for me. Though they will only find a mess back at my place. I am not even there anymore. They don't even know that I am moving yet. I have failed as their daughter. Not that walking the underground streets of London as a call girl and rising to the top of that pyramid made them happy either. Alas, my choices are still my own and I have made this one. I will honor my marriage and the man I married.
I just hope I find him before I can no longer feel him on this plane of existence. My heart is broken. After the wedding we spent several following days in the town where he lived as a mortal. Which is now a thriving port city. Though I am sure it was before, just much bigger now. We even started to trace his mortal bloodline. We have found so much out about his mortal wife, (Yes he was married before, no I will never be able to compete with his first love, but I shall try to uphold my end of our marriage. I love him as much as it seems he loved her in their mortal days.) his son and even that he had a daughter. He didn't know that last part which was a shock to his system. I am glad to know that he had a family that he can trace though. That the children didn't die to the many diseases that plagued the time period he is from. I wonder how many generations we will go to find living relatives. If there are any. It is possible that the line died out but we did learn that he had four living grand children of his own. Since they all seemed to have survived to adulthood it is likely that he has a line from them somewhere in this vast world of over seven billion people. Will be interesting to see if any are like him, or if someone married into the magical world. I think that would be nice, a muggle family of witches and wizards. Would make things so much easier to explain if or when we meet a living soul from his bloodline.
In other news....the not so great kind. [Tears fall on the words, spots become blurred to a degree as the ink still isn't dry. It seems that some words are written over to cover the blurred places so it has some sort of readable content to it.] David is gone. He was stolen from me. It has been three days and I can not find a trace of him. It is like he was wiped away. I still feel his bond through the blood, therefore I know he is alive, but I can't find him by any magical means. The muggle world seems to have lost sight of him as well. I haven't eaten for days. I can't focus. Writing this has been the longest I have been able to go without turning back to my books, trying some other means of spells or ritual's of some sort. I need to find him!!
The bond has clouded me, I know this but I won't fight it. I do not have the strength to do so even if I wanted to. I have broken down, put my trust in Mary and Exo to help me. I am staying at Mary's now. I am not fighting with the fact that I can't stand Exo, that my hate for him isn't great. If working with my enemies gets me to my end goal, then so be it! I will do what I have to. If they can't help me then I will go to others. If no one can help I will fly the seven oceans and all the shores. I will use my magic in every corner of the earth. He can't hide David forever. I will find him. He doesn't belong to Renee. [The words start to become more blurred and there are sentences following but they all seem un-legible and there is no effort to fix them as there was before, the entry seems to have just halted]
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2017 1:39:46 GMT
[July 26th]
Today has been a grueling day. I did make breakfast this morning for Quinn and I. Plans seemed to have gone well, though it seems she is much better at this sort of thing then I am. I think it is best I take a step back and let her and Mary take the reigns. It is difficult to focus at times for myself.
I did wander out today into the actual world. I needed to get a few things done. Quinn accompany me during my travels. She was a blessing to have along side me, I do find that I have become scatter brained as of late. She takes so many things into consideration before we did much.
I did have to go to the muggle offices today to submit the marriage certificate. I am sure it will hit the news soon because of this. I will need to stay in hiding at Mary's and try to avoid the open area's as much as possible. I am legally changing my last name. Dropping my maiden name completely. I think it will show him how much I am dedicated to him, how much I love and trust him. At least if he isn't completely lost to me yet. I fear he maybe. I haven't heard word from him.
I truly had hoped that he would send some sort of sign. Sadly that is not the case. It hurts. I try my best to keep that to myself so that Quinn or Mary or Exo don't see the pain, but at times it becomes hard to do so. I did cry a lot less today though. I admit I cried turning in the marriage license though. Happy yet sad tears, the lady behind the counter kept giving me an odd look and I had to keep myself held back.
We also went by my business today. Another girl went missing, but alas it is not my ordeal anymore. I signed the business over and sold it to the next Madam in line. She was thrilled to be honest and offered my quite a handsome price.
My banks would be full if I had not handed everything I own financially over to Quinn. I've yet to touch David's funds, but I will if need be. He is worth his entire fortune and I would spend it all just to find the man I love so much.
Rene has no idea what is in store for him. I surly do hope that I get the chance to slap him across the face, or even use Fiendfyre on him. That would be quite lovely indeed. To watch him burn at the stake so to speak. Ironic coming from a witch.
Alas Mary and Exo are due to wake soon. I should head back down stairs so that Quinn and I can fill them in on today's events.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2017 5:48:09 GMT
[August 1]
There is much to write down this time around. I don't even know where to begin. I should start with the best of news, yes? We found my husband! He is safe. Charm free as well. Rene is being held by Mary. I really hope he goes insane in there. The darkness is not a friend to most. David came back a changed man though. Rene did horrible things to him. His voice is different, his face, everything about him was different except his eyes.
I must come forth though. I am not who I once was. I have changed. For the better. I am not walking in the life my husband does. We are one together in the life he brought me into. I am beyond happy about this turn of events. I am sad that I have lost my magic, it is like a part of me is missing. Though I am sure in time, it will become the normal for me. I tried to shift today, I forgot for a moment that I couldn't. It brought a pang to the heart in my chest that no longer beats. I hold my wand and sigh wishing that I could cast spells once more. It is hard to let go of what I was born with. It hurts. I must not think about it. I gave up a part of me to be with my husband. I love David with every part of me. He was worth all of this. No, I am not convincing myself. I already know this to be true. I would still die for my husband. That I do not question.
His surgery has started and it is hard to watch at times but I push through. I haven't gone green faced at least. Haven't lost anything but it does make me cringe watching Erskine bury his hands inside of my husbands open chest. I shiver just writing about it. Tonight there is a break for awhile and I stole away to write down some thoughts.
I must confess, I killed a woman. *spots of red began to dot the page* I am still not okay with it. I wish I knew her name. I wish I could offer something to her family. Mary is right though, it wouldn't help. The woman still died. There is nothing I could do. I have gotten better though. I haven't killed again. I won't kill again. I won't allow myself to. We can feed without it, so why allow ourselves to be lost in it? I am learning though. It has only been three days and it will take time. David seemed cold about it. Wants me to accept that we kill. I don't know that I can accept that. I have so much remorse in my head right now, that sometimes Erskine has t tell me something twice before I pull myself from my thoughts.
It also doesn't help that there is this constant voice in my head, it isn't David's either. It sucks. It feels like a pull of some sort. Like it wants me to give into it, David said that it isn't allowed, that I would be hunted and killed should I ever allow myself to be taken by this weakness. This fuge, he called it. Alas he is calling me and I must go. I shall write more of this new adventure with my husband.
I can't wait until we move! I so look forward to spending the rest of my life with him!
ps. still need to tell the parents..ugh.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 2:47:31 GMT
[August 25th]
Well there is just so much to tell. I can't believe it has been three weeks since I've written. Life has taken such a turn for me. I've decided it is best my parents never know of my embrace. It'll be easier on them. I'm honestly surprised the dinner went as well as it did. David met them l. The dinner itself went better than expected and I'm glad they approved of David. Not that it would of mattered we married and they either excepted or they no longer had a daughter. The latter would of hurt but I was fully prepared for that. David even offered to use his power on them but I'm glad he stayed true to his word and didn't. Everything a dinner was genuine. Well aside from the fact I had to pretend to be a witch still. That will just have to be let go for now. I'm sure they will write once they discover I'm no longer on the teaching roster here at Illvermorny but alas it couldn't be avoided. I can't teach when every person that walks by smells like food.
In other news we are finally home! Here in New York! I was so nervous about the move itself because I've only lived in two countries my entire life. It was a big deal for me. I'm here though and I'm so happy to be with my husband. I'll miss England as my home but I'm sure we will return. We've such lovely friends there. Mary amd Exo helped so much. I don't think I would be writing with such great news if I hadn't gone to them. I know David told me to go to the Tremere but I just couldn't. I feared pain to him. I really didn't want him to have pain because of my actions. We met with Rose and Nikolaus this week at the castle. What a wonderful place. Their choice of drink was superb. I wonder if we can have some here? Alas I don't think the 20th of August will be my birthday anymore either. As I became anew on the 28th of July I do believe that will be my new day of birth into a new life with my husband.
My powers are getting better. It's been nearly a month and I can throw my voice with no problems and I can make people flock to me. Only one person at a time but it is progress. I wonder when I'll be able to use my voice as David can? To sing emotions to people. I wonder if I could sing Jillian away? Terrorize her into the arms of the Tremere and away from my husband. Would that be considered against the sect? Curious questions I'm not sure should be asked. I'll think on that. I wonder how David would react to that though. Seeing the student which hung on his every word and cooed and cawed over him suddenly changed and did that to me? It is a wondrous idea.
Did you know having a night out in New York is nearly impossible with a famous husband? Everywhere we go someone knowd him and interrupts our evenings it is rather quite bothersome. No worries though, I'll be sure to have my own flock soon enough. David and I can reign over the people and each have our own groups of worshipers. I like this idea. Oh yes very much so. I shall talk to him later about this. I wonder what his take would be on it? Would he approve of my wanting an audience as well? Of course I would never want quite the audience he has. Much to large but a nice small group would be beautiful. Like a queen with all her little servant. He does call me his queen. Maybe just maybe there is a deeper meaning to that.
Oh the thoughts in my mind wander so freely. On another note, I've not prayed in days to Shiva. I feel as though his presence isn't with me. I think it is because I left his statue at Mary's. Which I think was only proper. That was my old life. I have a new one now. I instead have given it much thought and have choosen to believe in the history afforded to myself. I took the cross Exo gave me and made a leather strap for it and placed it around my neck. The same as David wears the one he received from Exo.
I don't believe it is throwing away my gods from my living life merely I am moving on and accepting their way of life. They were there, both Mary and Exo and though I don't recall my moment of awareness from my embrace I know they watched the entire thing. They watched David turn me into one of them. Walking in the night. I do hope I can learn more. I feel I am gnawing at the bit after reading the entire book twice through already. So many questions but so much thirst for knowledge and to be able to partake in the ritaes I have read about. I want to feel as I belong. I feel a part of David's life don't get me wrong, but the pack here share something I'm not privy to and it hurts at times not being able to share in it all. I want to feel as part of them, part of the family here and part of the family we have back in London. I wonder when they will allow me to join.
Ah but it sounds like the band is practicing again. I think I shall go feed, watch for a bit and maybe talk David into letting me go out on my own for once. I'm feeling kind of caged these days with they are all busy and I have nothing to do but spectate.
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