[Timothy Palmer] Journal of a fragile mind
Sept 12, 2017 15:17:57 GMT
Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2017 15:17:57 GMT
I have only just opened this in the hope that I will write down my feelings, my hopes and the despair that I have in my daily life. When my ex wife gifted me with this, she believed that writing things down would help. Mostly any appointments and things to remember. She thought I'd forget things. She wrote down our anniversary date 29th September 2013 as well.
8th September 2017. Azkaban
Yesterday as part of my recovery from my breakdown (or episode) when I tried to get myself hurt or killed. I found myself back in the Rec Room. The memories of it came back and I couldn't deal with them. I spoke to the inmate Larch, who I remember from the canteen. He seemed hurt. I tried to talk to him about it.... But my inability to talk to people resulted in him walking away and me coming off as distant. He did say sorry to me for any part he played in what happened. Why do people feel feel the need to say sorry? It was always going to happen to me. The voice in my mind told me so..... It also told me to harm myself.
Paige was there as well. She must have been linked to what happened to Larch. I didn't pry but she asked a few questions asking how I felt and if I needed someone to talk to. I kept it in mind but once again I was distant and by then I wanted to leave. I left the room and finished my patrol.
I'm scared that the Black Dog will never leave me. I will be whole again. At least the voice has gone now. I'm still hurting myself. I have a burn on my wrist on my left hand. Perfectly hidden of course.
8th September 2017. Azkaban
Yesterday as part of my recovery from my breakdown (or episode) when I tried to get myself hurt or killed. I found myself back in the Rec Room. The memories of it came back and I couldn't deal with them. I spoke to the inmate Larch, who I remember from the canteen. He seemed hurt. I tried to talk to him about it.... But my inability to talk to people resulted in him walking away and me coming off as distant. He did say sorry to me for any part he played in what happened. Why do people feel feel the need to say sorry? It was always going to happen to me. The voice in my mind told me so..... It also told me to harm myself.
Paige was there as well. She must have been linked to what happened to Larch. I didn't pry but she asked a few questions asking how I felt and if I needed someone to talk to. I kept it in mind but once again I was distant and by then I wanted to leave. I left the room and finished my patrol.
I'm scared that the Black Dog will never leave me. I will be whole again. At least the voice has gone now. I'm still hurting myself. I have a burn on my wrist on my left hand. Perfectly hidden of course.