[Christian Walker] Journal of the Auror

August 2nd

So I have decided to take up writing a journal again as I did in my youth.  Maybe this will help me with my mental notes and other things that weigh on my mind and to be able to put them somewhere to read later and figure out what is going on with me and things and ideas about the prison.

Right now my vacation is halfway through and it felt good on the first day to get away from Azkaban but now I feel myself missing the walls and even all within strangely.  So much of my life, over ten years I have spent there and being out in the real world just......it does not feel right to me at all.  None the less I took a vacation for the first time in years returning to Arkham.  I was hoping that my mother could take some time off but as usual she is married to her work and told me that she did not have time......and Azra wonders why I call her mom.

I visited my father's grave the other day and well as weird as it sounds had a very long conversation with him though well he is dead and a skeleton more or less felt like he was talking back but guess call me weird. Though I still paid my respects to him and told him the story of my life thus far.  Strange.....I feel that I do not belong here in Arkham anymore.  The people they go about their business and the stores still sell their wares and such and yet it all feels so fake to me.

Yesterday was indeed a very long day.  The inmates will be shocked at what I have done but none the less a little comfort here and there never hurt and building trust to me has always been my goal even if others.....one in particular right now does not understand that!  Speaking of him.........I feel such a wedge right now between the both of us and I hate it!  I understand where he is coming from but why can't he?  The way he walked away.........

Anyway.....back to what I was saying.  I have bought things for others.  Will they accept them who knows.  But I stand by my beliefs and can only hope that they all know I am behind them and not out to gain favors or anything of the sort.

Azra:  I was able to get several assortments of English and Egyptian teas for her along with several books of the time and music well we will just say a variety.  

Maxwell:  A case of cuban cigars

Paige:  It took almost the whole day but was able to get a statuette of a Norweign Ridgeback.

Derrik:  I met with his children Lukas and Isabelle.  They gave me a ton of drawings of their dad and so many letters.  They both miss the hell out of him.  I need to find a way to have him be able to see them.  Also Lukas spoke to me about a woman in regards to Derrik that I need to speak to him about when I return.  

Yuna:  I was actually able to find a jaguar pendant for her amazingly.

Eerika:  Even with the store owner looking at me very weirdly I was able to get her several things of make-up and a small hand mirror.

Larch:  Several art supplies and a book on Krav Maga from my personal collection in my family home in Arkham.

I wonder if all of will think that I want something in return?  Why does it always fall to that.  Just because I get things for them to give their lives some type of normalcy does not mean I want something in return.   I will be returning to Azkaban on Saturday morning.  I just hope that nothing too crazy has happened since I left.  This may be the last time I take a vacation and just stay there.  I feel more at home there then I do here and besides none of my family in the real world have time for me.

I did have a very dark moment when I arrived here and my mother told me she was too busy but I will leave it for another journal entry.  Makes me wonder if truly I would ever be missed.